Dark Tales of Japan (J‑Horror) 01 — The Spiderwoman

Also known as “Nihon Kowai no Yoru” in Japan­ese. This is the first install­ment in my reviews of this Japan­ese hor­ror anthol­o­gy, which con­tains five short J‑Horror sto­ries that aired on TBS on 2004 and was released on DVD by Geneon Japan. Nat­u­ral­ly, my final thoughts on this J‑Horror anthol­o­gy will be writ­ten in the last post. I won’t be sum­ma­riz­ing the whole movie, rather, I will be com­ment­ing on things along the way. Watch the movie your­self, you lazies! 😛 Now, let’s see if it actu­al­ly scares me! :3 EDIT: I’ll con­tin­ue this dur­ing fall, lawd. Hal­loween ftw.

The movie starts off with an intro show­ing a creepy old lady, with her creepy Japan­ese doll (mem­o­ries of Fatal Frame are flow­ing through my head…), mess­ing with a bus dri­ver out on his night­shift with her scary Japan­ese bus sto­ries. What an ass.

For that, I will call her Doll-bachan! Fit­ting­ly, she begins to tell us (the view­ers) some hor­ror sto­ries too, basi­cal­ly set­ting up the anthol­o­gy, I presume.

For­get the Head­less Rid­er or the Man-dog. It’s Japan, the girl is in dan­ger ALREADY.

Time for the first tale! It begins with some teenagers dri­ving into the night, telling each oth­er about a scary sto­ry they heard about meet­ing an old lady in the dead of night and then dying if you look at her, called the “Tur­bo-hag”. I was half-expect­ing it to be Doll-bachan from the movie’s intro, but the bus dri­ver did­n’t die — he pissed his pants.

They begin nam­ing a few oth­er uno­rig­i­nal-sound­ing sto­ries too. “Head­less rid­er”? “Man-dog”? Seri­ous­ly man, I thought us Asian peo­ple had awe­some imag­i­na­tions (“Man-dog” actu­al­ly sounds kind of awe­some though, now that I think about it a lit­tle more. It should­n’t be scary, it should be a god.)!


…Nat­u­ral­ly, they run into some­thing even more ****ed up along the way. And nat­u­ral­ly, in typ­i­cal hor­ror-movie-fash­ion, we don’t get to see what it is.

I soiled myself, but not because this movie is scary.

We cut to the main char­ac­ters, a cou­ple of jour­nal­ists, inter­view­ing some Japan­ese school­girls about creepy sight­ings of an unknown 8‑legged, human-faced crea­ture. Mhmm, deli­cious Japan­ese school­girls. Hands down, the best part of the first ten min­utes (no pedo, I’m 16-going-on-17).

Oi, Shin­ji…

JAPANESE JOURNALIST: WILL WORK FOR FOOD. Strange­ly, that reminds me of Kamen Rid­er Ryu­ki, which turned out to be much more creepy and fills you with much more Para­noia Fuel com­pared to this unknown crea­ture they call the “Spi­der­woman”. Your friend­ly-neigh­bor­hood Spiderwoman.

And KR Ryu­ki only had 4 peo­ple work­ing for their mag­a­zine com­pa­ny, go figure.

Don’t wor­ry, the whole movie isn’t like this. Or is that a bad thing? I don’t know. Just replace a your usu­al real­is­tic-look­ing Japan­ese onry­ou-chick, that scares you psy­cho­log­i­cal­ly, with an unscary CGI spi­der that has a human face with eight eyes, and you have this movie.

Dis­gust­ing, but not scary.

Yeah, I’m cut­ting the com­men­tary short. Because hon­est­ly, this tale was inter­est­ing, but it was absolute­ly bor­ing to write about because noth­ing scary hap­pens. It goes for a trite, cliche B‑horror sto­ry I’d expect from Amer­i­can cin­e­ma. Basi­cal­ly, every­thing is pre­dictable and the shock fac­tor isn’t there. They try to find out who the Spi­der­la­dy real­ly is, and the old­er dude meets a men­tal­ly-dis­turbed girl named Ake­mi liv­ing alone with her moth­er, who sup­pos­ed­ly saw the Spi­der­woman.  The younger of the two jour­nal­ists is forced to look for the Spi­der­woman, and then he gets ****ed. Then the old­er guy  goes to inves­ti­gate about the Spi­der­woman at Akemi’s house, and then he gets ****ed. One thing they actu­al­ly tried to be unique with was the part when it revealed that the old­er jour­nal­ist guy gets turned into a Spi­der­man (lol), and is turns out to be the thing that chas­es the teenagers at the begin­ning. I thought that was pret­ty inter­est­ing, and a pret­ty nice twist.

Stay tuned for the next tale, it might actu­al­ly be scari­er scary.

One thought on “Dark Tales of Japan (J‑Horror) 01 — The Spiderwoman

  1. I have to say that i watched that movie all­ready, and it is bad that all the Scenes where she wrap up her vic­tims are cut out..they are not watch­able in this movie, and it is of course low-bud­get-style, even like also Eight-legged-freaks. The Most of the Spi­der-hor­ror-Movies, are real­ly Bad, sim­ple low­bud­get, bad unre­al­is­tic effects. One of the BEST Spi­der Hor­rors is called “Arach­nid”. This Movie con­tains near on his End, a good Scene where the Spi­der wraps up a Woman..but even here it is unre­al­is­tic again because the Spi­der sprays the Silk on her, and she cant get free because she strug­gles all the time, and at the End of the Scene it looke like wet wadding. and not like a tight Cocoon.

    The BEST Scene in this Genre that i EVER saw, was in Lord Of The Rings, when Fro­do gets tied up by Shelob (The Giant Spi­der), THIS Scene is real­is­tic and real­ly Hot for every­one who loves Spi­der Hor­rors. Dark Tales Of Japan — The Spi­der­woman, is not SO Bad, its exit­ing, but… this movie could be more real­is­tic, and he could have more high­qual­i­ty Effects.

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