Hey guys, it’s my birthday…

Birthday

…So instead of post­ing a gener­ic wish­list detail­ing some of the weaboo goods I so desire, I will post the top ten most awe­some things that could hap­pen to you on your birth­day. Since this is an ani­me blog, be sure to expect some of the most non­sen­si­cal and impos­si­ble things you could ever imag­ine.

(Alright, my birth­day tech­ni­cal­ly end­ed a few hours ago. But hey, this is bet­ter than sit­ting around play­ing Dis­gaea and Touhou all night~)

Wake up in heaven, who wouldn't screw Lala?

10. You wake up in bed one morn­ing, and find one (or more) gor­geous-look­ing girl(s) sleep­ing on your bed. Bonus points if she’s an alien princess from some far away galaxy with some dev­il tail or oth­er anthro­po­mor­phic body part. Man­li­ness points if she sud­den­ly wants to mar­ry you or screw you for no rea­son what­so­ev­er.

Unless you’re some pantsy male ani­me pro­tag­o­nist, which you most cer­tain­ly are. In which case, you turn her down because hey, you like being a gen­tle­men and/or using your com­mon sense in sit­u­a­tions where you don’t need it. HEYO~

Beach Episode

9. If you’re lucky, your female friends invite you to a beach par­ty instead of drag­ging you to the god damn mall for your birth­day (don’t ask). Bonus points if the token oppai girl does a Gainax Bounce.

Good luck dream­ing about hav­ing your own Harem Beach Fanser­vice Episode though, because the chances of gath­er­ing a group of female friends that com­prise of the loli, Gen­ki Girl, teacher with big boobs, and a pair of hot twins are slim-to-none. Not to men­tion, it’s looks pret­ty sketchy if you don’t brings guys as well. All hail the speedo.

Also, if your female friends exclu­sive­ly com­prise of those at the beach, then I don’t know what to tell you… ‑shiv­er-
Disgaea

8. You wake up to find your flat-chest­ed demon ser­vant try­ing to kill you. Wait, what?

You dis­cov­er that you’re now a demon prince! Equiped with an epic evil laugh (AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA), you go off on an adven­ture to become the Over­lord of the Nether­world.

You spend your days bat­tling on a grid-based bat­tle field, blow­ing up pen­guins and defy­ing the laws of physics. All of a sud­den-… Aw shit, you find out it’s just a dream.

PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU ARE LAZY

7. Start a rock band. Work hard and become the best damn rock band you could ever be.

Just kid­ding. Why work when you could just beat around the bush all day long, eat­ing sweets, and hav­ing fun at the beach (ahhh, yes, the beach yeah), while still man­ag­ing to sound good? Pfft, please don’t say you are lazy.

Kotone is hot

6. If you hap­pen to be turn­ing 10 this year, go on a Poke­mon jour­ney. Don’t wor­ry. Since you’re 10, you’re total­ly inde­pen­dent now and can total­ly keep your­self alive in those deep, dark forests of the Poke­mon world. Espe­cial­ly if you’re female. Don’t wor­ry. Those creepy hik­ers who haven’t seen some good ass in a while total­ly won’t Bind you with their Onix (lol) and rape you.

Feel free to take me along with you on the jour­ney. As your trust­wor­thy male side­kick. I won’t do any­thing fun­ny. (Bonus points if you look like the new female pro­tag­o­nist from Black and White! God bless Poke­mon.)

Ling Yao

5. You become 15. You wake up and dis­cov­er that you are a Xingese prince. You may be giv­en HUGELIKEXBOX respon­si­bil­i­ties like sav­ing your entire clan from an inevitable death and becom­ing a just emper­or, but there are plen­ty of good perks that come with it. You get your own Badass Adorable Chi­nese body­guard chick that has a not-so-obvi­ous crush on you, you become friends with the FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST, you get insane skills to be able to tie up Glut­tony like a bitch, and you get to become Greed, the most badass homuncu­lus in the world. What more could you ask for? Bonus points if you get to 1up Wrath in a fight.

Of course, it’s all prob­a­bly just a dream, because YOU could­n’t pos­si­bly be that awe­some.

Magical Girl

4. You get to become a Mag­i­cal Girl. Get your own cute stuffed ani­mal as a side kick and be equiped with some of the longest hen­shin stock sequences in the world.

What if I’m a guy,” you ask? You get to be nude for at least five sec­onds. That’s more than none! Ah, free­dom. That feel­ing, only obtained by going com­man­do in real life. fml

GenderBENDER. harhar

ALTERNATIVE to #4: Wake up on your birth­day and find your­self gen­der­swap’d. We all know the first thing you would do.

Bonus points if you were orig­i­nal­ly a guy and bend over.

(Gen­der­BEN­DER. Harhar)

GET CHANCE AND LUCK

3. I know some of you wished you could go to Japan on your birth­day and get to be that ran­dom for­eign guy that spouts out ran­dom Eng­lish, that makes absolute­ly no sense. I’d like it, you’d like it, the Japan­ese will turn their heads around and go “WTF”. But who cares? It would be fun­ny as hell.

GET CHANCE AND LUCK!

Pierce the Heavens

2. For­get the 360. Get a big drill for your birth­day. If you have enough Spi­ral Ener­gy, you could turn that shit into the biggest weapon known to man. The biggest drill known to man. A drill that’s des­tined to pierce the heav­ens.

Or alter­na­tive­ly, you just wast­ed your birth­day mon­ey buy­ing a god damned drill. Los­er.

Topless on the bed

1. You wake up and find your­self in the world of hen­tai. Have unpro­tect­ed sex. What? It’s not like she’d get preg­nant unless she want­ed to. Or if you want­ed to. Beware of ten­ta­cles, for they either make or break your fun (see: indi­vid­u­al­i­ty). See a girl in the class­room? Screw her. See a girl in the car? Screw her. The park? Have fun. Read­ing a book? Mul­ti­task.  Guy that looks like a girl? Ah, what the heck. Rape? She’ll fall in love with you. Sex­ism? What sex­ism? It’s a world where nobody judges you. You judge your­self. Espe­cial­ly when you wake up and real­ize all of the above was just a wet dream. Sicko.

SOS Brigade

ALTERNATIVE to #1: If you strive for these weird, yet kind-of-awe­some (in a way), things to fill in that empti­ness in your cru­el nerdy heart, join the S.O.S. Brigade on your birth­day. They live off of crap like this.

(P.S. Okay, maybe #3 is pos­si­ble. But seri­ous­ly, how many peo­ple do you actu­al­ly see attempt­ing it? Be a hero. Put it on YouTube and show it to me. 😛 )

7 thoughts on “Hey guys, it’s my birthday…

  1. First off, Hap­py Birth­day! Belat­ed now I guess. An inter­est­ing post, an otaku only would under­stand. xD

    btw, looks like you got spam.

  2. Con­grats on your birth­day, mine is the next day 2nd July just found out it’s the same day as mugi from k‑on and ruby in pokè­mon adventure(wonder which ani­me char­ac­ter have the same B‑day as you).
    Num­ber 9 seems nice and ‘inno­cence’ enough though it would be nice if your fave ani­me char­ac­ter actu­al­ly came in a nice biki­ni and after that… well use your imag­i­na­tion.
    Per­son­al­ly I pre­fer alter­nate to #1 it’s more fun than rip­ping every­one of their vir­gin­i­ty but well that just a thought.

  3. @Kyokai: Thanks!
    Yeah, seems like Spam Kar­ma 2 did­n’t kill them. It’s… not real­ly doing its job cor­rect­ly to my dis­may. Too lazy to delete them too… ):
    @Ace: Hap­py Birth­day then!
    Tok­ie Saku­rai from Zettai Mute­ki Rai­jin-Oh and that one guy from The Prince of Ten­nis have the same birth­day as me.
    I like it how some of my favorite char­ac­ters fall on the same month as me, like Li Syao­ran from Card­cap­tor Saku­ra, even though they don’t fall on the exact same day.
    Also, I actu­al­ly pre­fer that to the real #1 too. #1 is actu­al­ly pret­ty much a joke I thought up of. Too weird for my tastes, but I know some peo­ple actu­al­ly want it to hap­pen…

  4. Hahaha„,lols! Nice cue…my bday’s com­ing up so this is a nice thought. Thanks! Enjoyed the first #1~!! Though I would change it to a “guy” since I am a girl…hehehe (^_^)

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